Dreams End
by OliviaR5Warbler
Summary: Kevin is still plagued by his Hell Dreams, so he talks to Connor who hasn't had one since a sermon from Arnold he'd heard a while ago. This is my first fic for the fandom, please let me know what you think :)


It had been a month since the church had disbanded the missionaries of district 9 in Uganda and a month since the boys decided to stay and help the villagers in the area. Since then life had changed for the district leader Connor McKinley. He'd listened to a sermon Arnold had given one day, about his new book, The Book of Arnold (Connor was still unsure how he felt about that), and he realised, what Arnold was saying was right. He was preaching about love being love and how God didn't make mistakes. Connor realised he had been told that very sentence his whole life. Heavenly father did not make mistakes. He created people exactly how he intended them to be, so if he was having these thoughts -that were becoming increasingly difficult to turn off- then that was just how he had been made. And Connor decided to accept that theory.

That night for the first night in years Connor McKinley didn't have a hell dream. He didn't wake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat begging for forgiveness. And he didn't wake wishing he could just stop having impure thoughts. Because… Well they weren't.

As it turned out, when Connor wasn't plagued by hell dreams and got a decent night's sleep he was a morning person. And an early riser! He would wake early and take a cold shower to combat the heat (and the side effect of being a young man, he was willing to accept his sexuality but he didn't want to rock the boat and bring the dreams back through guilt) and start making breakfast for himself.

The others had asked him to resume his role as leader, for without his scheduling and budgeting skills they worried how they would fair. Connor didn't mind, he enjoyed that part of the job, the structure was good for him.

One morning Connor found he wasn't the only person awake as he scrambled himself some eggs. He heard a sniff and a yawn as he was joined by another person. He didn't have to look behind him to know it was Elder Price- Kevin, he corrected himself. They were all still adjusting to the lack of titles. "Morning," Kevin grumbled. Kevin was **not** a morning person. Before his now regular morning coffee he was barely a person.

Fortunately, Connor was used to this, several of the elders had tried coffee and some drank it enough they had budgeted for a cheap coffee maker, which Connor set to work every morning. He set one in front of Kevin who looked barely alive, let alone awake. Connor knew that look. That was the look that had greeted him every morning in the mirror for almost a decade. It was the look of a boy plagued by hell dreams all night.

Connor wondered what Elder- Kevin would have possibly _still_ be having hell dreams about. A part of him considered it was the effects of the caffeine but none of the others seemed to have the same problem. He gave Kevin a knowing look and the other looked down into his mug. He didn't want to talk about it. Connor nodded to himself and went back to preparing his breakfast, humming a tune to himself as he did.

Kevin had not slept that or any other night for the past month. He had spent every night plagued by hell dreams. At first it was generic, if you could consider a hell dream generic, and he figured it was because of his pride in getting dismissed from his mission or even from the excessive coffee drinking. But over time the dreams became clearer. All his life Kevin had worked under the impression that if he simply ignored his thoughts and urges that everything would be OK. So long as he never acted on them. Yet now he wanted to do nothing more than to act upon them.

Kevin's hell dreams featured another man. The man who's ungodly perfect ass was facing him while the rest of him prepared breakfast. Sometimes they weren't hell dreams that tortured his resting hours. Sometimes it was a different kind of dream, but no less torturous. Kevin dreamed of himself and Elder McKinley- Connor. Mostly the dreams would start as them working together but their theme would quickly take a different route. A not unappealing route but torturous all the same.

Kevin wished he had the capacity to make the dreams stop. Sometimes he wondered whether the dreams – the hell dreams – stuck around because of his feelings for the other, or because of other reasons all together. The dreams were the tip of the iceberg on his list of sins. He drank coffee, he had unholy dreams, he was accepting the side of him that desired the company of another man and he felt bad about that. He felt bad that he was living _another_ lie. When he'd arrived, he had told Connor he wasn't having gay thoughts. He'd lied. The moment he'd laid eyes on the red head his mind had not possessed many clean thoughts. When he learned Connor was also gay he had hope; but hearing his method of 'turning it off' he realised things weren't about to get any easier in his life.

"How did you sleep?" Connor's voice cut into his thoughts. He already knew the answer but he asked anyway.

"Lousy," Kevin said, the evidence was on his face, he could hardly lie again.

"Hell dreams?"

"Of a sort." Kevin replied and Connor thought about what he could mean by that. Kevin, feeling brave by the clock, knowing no one else would wake for at least an hour looked at the subject of his desires. "I have a confession to make," he said. Connor turned to him, two plates piled with scrambled eggs on toast. He set one in front of Kevin. "Thanks," Kevin said quietly.

"You're welcome, so confession?"

"Yeah, um, right, when you were telling us, when we arrived, about how you used to 'turn it off' and I said I wasn't having gay thoughts?"

"I remember," Connor said, getting up and pouring himself some juice from the fridge.

"Well I may have lied. I am having those thoughts, I have for years but I just worked under the belief if I never acted on it everything would be OK. That's why I worked so hard, to make up for it I guess. I'm still having hell dreams some nights and I don't understand why, I've accepted that part of me. Or at least, I thought I had. I guess what I'm trying to say is my dreams are still kinda hellish, but not that hellish and there's normally someone else in them. Someone I'm lying to."

"So, you still feel guilt over lying to someone, because you like them and you feel worse because you're having, _those_ kinds of dreams instead of hell dreams." Connor summarised.

"Yeah, I um, guess that's right." Kevin agreed. "I mean how can you just say something like that to someone? Have you had dreams recently?" Connor wondered for a brief moment whether he meant hell dreams, or any dreams.

"I've had dreams, but they're far from hellish." He said softly. "And if I'm honest, I'm not always alone," he decided to try dropping a hint to Kevin. Since he had first laid eyes on him he had felt an attraction to him. Everything about him had and still called to Connor. He'd dropped hints before, but they went unnoticed or sometimes he thought ignored. He knew Kevin - in some way - liked him. Arnold couldn't keep secrets after a glass or more of wine – another new experience for a lot of the missionaries. Connor knew deep down it stemmed from a want to make his friend happy, Kevin didn't know he had said anything and Arnold didn't remember so Connor hadn't said anything.

Sometimes Connor wondered what it would take for him to make a move, just go for it and kiss Kevin. He'd seen several of these scenarios play out in his dreams and he always liked how they had ended. In the dreams so had Kevin. He wondered if Kevin did feel that way about him, though he had been assured by some of the others that the looks Kevin gave him were not as hidden as the other would have liked.

Connor was about to say something when the door leading to the bedrooms opened and a zombie-like Poptarts entered and walked straight over to the coffee machine. Connor tracked his friend's movements and turned back to Kevin, "if you need to talk about anything, just come by my room. I'm always happy to listen," he smiled at Kevin and took their plates to the sink and left the kitchen to go about his day.

Connor lounged on his bed, reading, later that day, the mid-day sun was beating down on the village. For their own safety, the missionaries were told not to spend more than an hour – as an absolute maximum – in the sun between 12 and 2:30. It was just too hot, even the villagers stayed clear most days. His attention was caught by a soft knock on his door. "Come in," he said marking the page. He didn't have to raise his voice; the walls were thin enough for his voice to pass through without issue. A nervous looking Kevin slipped into his room and closed the door.

"Hey, um can we have that talk?" Kevin asked. Connor nodded and set his book aside. He sat and gestured for Kevin to sit as well. Kevin sat at the edge of Connor's bed, wringing his hands in his lap. He looked at Connor looking and feeling lost.

"Take your time, figure out what you want to say," Connor assured him in a calming tone. Kevin nodded.

"I- I'm gay." Kevin said, he looked like he was trying to find the words so Connor let him think. "I'm coming to terms with that, but it's so hard. I wasn't like a normal kid in high school, I mean none of us were, but other than the Mormon stuff, I was never interested in the girls. Even when they were interested in me. I just wanted to do my duty to Heavenly Father and be a good Mormon boy. Then I came here. I prayed for months to be sent to Orlando and I get sent here, with Arnold, who from back home, honestly was no-one's first choice, to find out he prayed to be sent with me. I knew I was different and I did as I was told. I ignored my feelings and never acted on them. Indulged in them occasionally, mentally anyway. Then… I met you and you told me to turn it off. I spiralled, this wasn't my home and it was uncomfortable. I lost my faith, got scared back to it through a hell dream then tried to be my cocky old self. I can't turn it off anymore." He paused.

"Kevin, I was so wrong for pushing that message, I'm so sorry about that," Connor apologised.

"Then you were there, when the thing with the general happened, and when I decided I was staying and you didn't get mad at me about leaving Arnold and leaving him no choice but to do what he did. And you were still you. My hell dream, the first one I had here, you asked me if you were there, you were." He swallowed, "I didn't know what that meant then, but since then, you've featured heavily in my dreams, hell and not. I guess, what I'm trying to say Connor, is I'm gay and if I believe what my brain is telling me, I… Like you, like you." Kevin looked up for the first time, Connor was looking at him, eyes soft and caring. Connor's hand lifted to his face and stroked his cheek. Kevin's eyes fluttered and his teeth grazed his lower lip. The bed dipped as Connor shifted closer and Kevin leaned forward, their lips brushed against each other. Connor's lips were smooth, but dry from the heat. Kevin took the chance and pressed himself closer towards Connor.

"Connor!" The pair broke apart just before the former Elder Church burst through the door. "It's Poptarts, he got caught in the heat, he's pretty burnt," Connor pushed off the bed without a second thought, the village Dr was ordering the others about.

"What happened?" Kevin asked from behind him.

"They think he fell asleep reading again," the Dr explained as they followed him to Poptarts' room. Connor held his friend's hand as he hissed in pain. "Nothing too severe," Connor sighed with relief at the news. Poptarts had taken his shirt off in the shade of a tree and fallen asleep reading, as the sun moved his back had been burned.

"Thank you, Dr," Connor said seeing the man out.

"No worries, keep him inside for a few days until the worst of it is gone, he should also remain shirtless and sleep on his front to avoid infections."

"We'll make sure he does." Connor nodded and informed the others of what to do. Elder Church had been Poptarts' roommate and said he'd keep an eye on him and keep him company. The ex-missionaries returned to what they had previously been doing, except for Kevin, who seemed to have disappeared from Connor's radar. Connor sighed, but figured he was a little shaken up, he just had to give him time.

Kevin returned later that evening as the boys were preparing for movie night. He had fled during the commotion earlier to talk to his best friend, Arnold who now lived in the village. Arnold had been supportive of his confessions and told him what he had said during the sermon Connor had heard. 'Heavenly father doesn't make mistakes, you're exactly how he made you,' suddenly Kevin saw things clearer. The only reason his dreams turned from the pleasant ones into hell dreams was his guilt, if he could stop feeling guilty for his actions, maybe he could get a decent night's sleep once in a while. He changed into his pjs and joined the others, sitting on the couch with Connor and a few other elders all squeezed in.

Around the fourth movie most of the other Elders were asleep where they had been sat but Connor and Kevin were very much awake. Around the midpoint of the second movie Connor had put his arm over the back of the couch and then some time during the third Kevin had leaned against him more. Connor stretched and stood, careful not to stand on anyone. He turned to Kevin and offered his hand. Kevin stared at it for a moment before deciding to hell with his fears, his feelings weren't a mistake and took Connor's outstretched hand. He allowed himself to be lead to Connor's room where Connor pressed his lips firmly against Kevin's. Connor's free hand wrapped around Kevin's middle, holding their torsos against each other. Kevin's finger tips traced the outline of Connor's biceps tentatively as he pressed his lips back against Connor. Connor pulled back from the kiss, smiling at Kevin, "spend the night with me?" He asked softly, chucking at the flash of fear in Kevin's eyes, "not like that," he pecked the corner of Kevin's mouth, "just sleep next to me." Kevin's face softened as he nodded, bringing their foreheads together, dipping his head to kiss Connor again.

For the first time in a month Kevin Price wasn't plagued by a hell dream, or any other kind of dream. He simply enjoyed a calm, peaceful sleep, beside – who he would soon start calling – his boyfriend.


End file.
